I'm scary

You may find this shocking, so brace yourself - Not everyone likes me. Yes, there are some people out there who do not like me. I know, crazy.

I think some people are put off by my brutal honesty, my inability to play politics or games, my candidness and refusal to sugar coat things. I live in a mostly black and white world, there's very little gray in it. There's some... but not a lot.

This world view has gotten me into trouble many times; at work, at home, with friends and family. But should I try and change it? I'm not sure I could, even if I wanted to. I do try and cut my loved ones some slack, and they do the same for me. They've learned that even when I may come off as harsh or abrasive, that its just their perception and its not due to any intent on my part, other than to relay information. My intent is to tell you (the rhetorical you) something as clearly and succinctly as possible.

This is why I will never be a people manager, or so I believe. If you're doing a great job, I'll tell you. If I think you're not, I'll tell you. Why does it have to be more complicated than that? Isn't life compicated enough?

Usually I feel bad about this aspect of myself, because I know it can put people off and sometimes that makes me sad. There are people I'd like to be friends with that I'm not, and I wonder if I were more... soft?.. maybe we'd be friends. But that's not me.

Then yesterday, in having a conversation with an old high school friend, I was told this;

You shocked me when I first met you with your kindness and openness and I was drawn to it and sometimes afraid of it - it's not what I was used to.

And I think that's sort of it. I scare people because I'm "too open" and it's not what they're used to. But what Chris was saying here was he saw it as a good thing. My friends who love me see it as a good thing, or at least an acceptable "Amy thing", and that's a relief. Truly, I don't know how else to be.

Scary Amy, signing off.

-A