In shock

I'm a bit in shock. We just got some bad news. Bad isn't even really the word for it. Horrible. Awful. Tragic.

My husband's mom has cancer. And it's stage 4. Inoperable. Barely treatable. They can do chemo and it may prolong her life a few months. Without the chemo it's something like 6-8 months, with it, she could have 10. Maybe longer. With these things, the docs can't ever really be certain.

When we were visiting she wasn't feeling well and had finally gone to the doctor. Apparently she'd been not feeling well for a while but like many people, didn't want to go to the doctor. Not that a few months would have made much difference. It's likely this has been growing for 2 years or so. She went to the doctor who ordered an ultrasound. The results came back the same day we were leaving, spots on her liver. A CT scan was scheduled.

Someone said - Could it be cancer? I don't remember who. I think it was my 11 yr old niece. I forget. We all shook our heads - No, I'm sure it's not. No... My MIL really likes to drink her wine and has indulged herself in that regard for a number of years now. She's not a drunk, she just enjoys drinking. And really, who doesn't? I do. My first thought on the ultrasound results was cirrhosis, and she said the same thing - Maybe it's cirrhosis. I said, Well that seems more likely. She chided me and I laughed, telling her I'd never had said it if she hadn't said it first. This is what I thought it was. I really, truly didn't consider cancer as an actual possibility. I should know better by now.

The CT scan results came back last week and they weren't good. The doc was saying cancer, tumors on her liver and upper stomach. An appt. was made with an oncologist.

We were still positive. Cancer can be beaten, right? We don't know anything yet, we don't even know what kind of cancer it is. We'll just wait and see. I'm sure everything will be fine.

Then the news today. And things are definitely not going to be fine.

We lost my dad in March. We had a while to prepare. We knew his time was limited and we made the most of it. I think that was helpful. I'm glad we have that for my MIL as well. At least we have some time. Time to process, to say what we want to say, do things we want to do, make the time count. I only wish we lived closer to her. She was going to be out this Winter, to get away from the cold. If she's in treatment though, I'm sure that won't be happening. She may visit, and I hope she does.

My husband was upset last week, today so far he's stoic. I haven't seen him yet, just spoke to him on the phone. He didn't want to talk about it right then and I can understand that. He's at work. I'm surprised he didn't come home but maybe he just wanted the day to seem normal. I know that feeling.

He was really sad last week thinking that Maia won't get to know her Grandma. She'll never know my dad either. I don't know what her other Grandpa is going to do. His plans were with her. They were his plans but always with her. I worry about him. I worry about my husband. I'm so sad about all of this.