Annoyed

I'm really cranky and so this is probably bothering me when it shouldn't; I'm trying to relax, I'm watching TV, and John tells me the lightening outside is really cool. He says I should go out and see it. I say yeah, great. He goes and sits outside, then a bit later opens the door and tells me again how cool it is, and I should really come outside and look. I say; Ok, I will when I'm ready. Quit pushing me.

A short while later I go out. He's sitting in the only chair. I stand there a bit, watch. It's lightening. He doesn't say anything. I go back inside.

He comes in a short while later and says I should have stayed out longer. 

Why? I ask.

So you could see the lightening.

I did see the lightening.

Yeah, but you didn't see what I saw - 

And he proceeds to describe the fabulous lightening to me.

I'm irritated by this entire interaction and part if it is that he keeps talking about it!

You see, there was a monsoon storm the other night, it was late - 11:30 maybe - I was the only one up. I turned out the porch light and sat outside to watch it. It was beautiful. I didn't feel the need to discuss this or share it with anyone. I'm only mentioning it now because it's relevant to my feelings tonight. Because I would bet money that he's going to post on Facebook about the amazing lightening he saw, and how he sat outside and watched it. Because he's just so cool. And I'm sure he's going to go to work tomorrow and tell his coworkers about it. He'll probably mention it to my mom when he sees her. He'll probably tell my sister about it this weekend when we see her.

Why does this bother me? I don't know. I think it's because there are people who do things to do them, and there are people who do things so that they can tell other people about what they did and show off how cool (or tough, or badass, or whatever) they are. And those people really annoy me.

Don't go watch a lightening storm just so you can tell people you did it. Don't swim with sharks, skydive, have a picnic in a cemetery, etc., because you think it will impress people; do those things because you want to do them. And when you do, don't go around bragging about it. It's sad and ridiculous and annoying.

If it turns out he doesn't mention this on Facebook or to others I will so take it all back. I'll give him a freaking (bleep) and he'll be surprised and thrilled because it's been a while. He won't know why he's suddenly being treated, and I'll just let him wonder. After more than 10 years of marriage though, I'm pretty sure I know him well enough to say I'm not going to have to do the deed.

We'll see.

I wish I could just get over myself. Why let it get to me at all? I don't know. I get that our experiences are meant to be shared, that's what friendship is. It's not that I don't want to talk to my husband about things we've done and seen. It's the motivation that just gets to me.  The motive is the important thing.

It's like one of my high school boyfriends who told me he stopped listening to Nirvana because they got popular. I could not wrap my mind around that! The music didn't change. Their popularity didn't change the music they'd already made. I thought it was the dumbest thing I'd ever heard and it was a definite factor in our breaking up. Because it's not that he didn't like them - that's all preference and opinion. It's WHY he decided not to like them.

The motive is everything.