I've been telling him for weeks, for example, that yelling angrily at our Little when she hits will not be effective. He still does it. I confirmed with my friend who has a master's degree in education that this tactic is sure to fail. I try to explain this to him the next time she has hit him in the face while getting her diaper changed and he's yelled at her, "No! Stop it!", and I get the eyes glazing over because He's not really listening to me, I'm just nagging him response.
Today, I go to make a latte and have to confess to him that I broke one of the espresso glasses. There's some silly banter that results, with accusations and threats and old, broken things resurrected from the past, and there's an awkward undercurrent of anger there too. I don't think it's related to the broken glass, I think it's his repressed feelings but I can't get him to talk about them so that's another issue.
I use a small, oven-safe type glass dish for my espresso, and when he goes to make his latte, he pulls out a thin shot glass.
"I don't think that's safe", I say, " it should be tempered glass. You need a thicker one at least."
"It's not *that* hot."
"If you spilled it on yourself would it burn you?"
Silence, except for the sound of him digging through more shot glasses. He picks another, one I got at a Sake tasting, made for cold sakes and even thinner than the first.
"No, that's worse, it's even thinner. You need a thick one," I say.
"I'm sure it's fine," but he puts it back and keeps digging.
"If it shatters and glass shards go all over it's going to be a problem."
He scowls at me. "I hardly think that would happen."
"When you put hot liquid in glass it can shatter, that's why you have to heat up the jars before you pour hot jam into them. Just use this," and I hand him the baking dish I had just used and already washed.
He scowls some more.
"Do I need to look it up on the Internet to prove this to you or will you just believe me?" And I add, 'for once', in my head.
"I'm sure it'd be fine," he says again, but puts the shot glasses away and uses the dish I gave him.
Why does this bother me so much? Part of me thinks I shouldn't care. I know I'm right, I'm confident in myself and don't need his validation. Then the other part of me says, the one person I should be able to rely on to not dismiss me, to believe in me, is my husband. Right? That's just not the relationship we have though. And admittedly, I'm the same way. Though when I dismiss or disbelieve him, it's based on facts, not just my own "feelings" or opinions. It's because he's just outright wrong. There is a difference. Isn't there?
As for the person I can rely on to always believe me? To bolster me, to raise me up and not dismiss me? That would be my mom. That's what moms are for. I suppose I should stop looking for that in my husband and just be grateful for the gift that he is, flaws and all.
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